Mindset Shift

   Hello Friends! Today I want to share with you something that has changed my life drastically, a mindset shift which I learned years ago. Have you ever looked at a problem, goal, dream, or difficulty in your life and thought, "There's no way that can happen." Or, "I just don't know how I could ever do that. It's impossible." That's how I used to feel too. I would look at my big dreams, goals, or challenges and think, "I just don't know how that could happen." 

  But my whole life opened up and changed for the better when I was taught to ask, "How can I?" You see, when we think, "I don't know how; it's impossible," or any of those other defeating phrases, our brains shut down and stop looking for ways to fulfill our dreams or get us out of the situation. But if we train ourselves to ask, "How can I?" we switch our brains into creative mode, and they immediately go to work on finding a solution. 

  Oftentimes, when something is difficult it requires us to think outside the box. When we ask, "How can I?" we get our brains working on the solution, and you will be surprised at how many times they can come up with an answer given enough thinking time and encouragement. I use this strategy often with my schedule and my finances. Here is an example. Perhaps I have a new habit I want to add in to my routine, but my day already feels filled to the brim. Before, I would have thought, "I wish I could start doing x, but there's just no way." Now, I ask myself, "How can I fit x into my schedule?" I will then start to look at ways of getting it done. Perhaps I can fit in this new habit by rearranging other parts of my day, but getting up earlier, or by putting it into unproductive time, like when I'm waiting to pick up my son from football. "How can I" operates from the expectation that it can be done. We just have to figure out the way. 

  This week, take some time to think about your challenges, dreams, and goals. Are there areas you have been limiting yourself in? How can applying the "How can I" mindset change some of these things for you? The world is full of possibilities. Make the mental shift from "I can't" to "How can I?" and see how many new opportunities open up for you. I can't wait to see you succeed!

~K.L.W. 

Taking a Break

   

Hello Friends, this week I am thinking about taking breaks, and more importantly, how to know when to take a break. Many people were shocked recently when Simone Biles pulled out of the Olympics for mental health reasons. After all, that’s her job, the event she has been training for, shouldn’t she just push through? 

  The truth is, even when you are working on something you’re passionate about or good at, you still need breaks. We all need rest, but unfortunately we live in a culture which has forgotten the importance of rest. Our culture values hard work to the point of burnout, never considering the cost of the toll it takes on our minds and bodies. But what if we weren’t meant to operate that way? 

  I’d like to offer a few examples from scripture, some of which you may be familiar with. Ecclesiastes 3 tells us there is a time and place for everything, and rest is no exception. This whole world operates in seasons of ebb and flow, yet we have forgotten this principle for ourselves. If we wish the most plentiful harvest in our lives, we must learn to rest when we need it. 

  Have you ever heard that the first time a word is used in the Bible is very important, because that demonstrates it’s original intent? If you look for the word “rested” in scripture, you will find it’s first use in Genesis 7, right after God finished creating the world. This demonstrates a very clear pattern for us. God created, then he rested. And it even goes so far as to say he blessed the seventh day and made it holy. (Genesis 7:3) Clearly rest is of the utmost importance if God made a point of dedicating a whole day to it. 

  Let’s look at another example. Elijah was a prophet to the nation of Israel, and he’s what you might call an extremist today. He stood up to the king and the people. He took on four hundred and fifty prophets in a religious battle royal, and yet, even he still had to learn the value of rest. (1 Kings 18-19) Elijah was so exhausted from his work he wanted to die. But instead, he learned the value of of rest and self-care in the desert. Here he rested and ate, and was strengthened and refreshed to continue on with his journey. Even when we operate within our calling and God’s purpose, we still must learn the importance of rest. 

  Let’s come full circle and look at Jesus, God in the flesh. Jesus’s whole mission here on earth was people, yet frequently throughout the gospels, we see him slipping away to a quiet spot to rest and recharge. (Matthew 14:23, Mark 1:35, Mark 4:38, Luke 5:16) Without rest, it is impossible to fulfill our purpose.

  I want to remind you today of the importance of taking rest. Check in with yourself and see if you’ve been pushing too hard. Maybe it’s time for a break. There’s a season and a time for everything. Don’t forget to make rest a priority. I can’t wait to see you succeed. 

~K.L.W.

Things I’d Tell My 15 Year Old Self

  Hello friends! Yesterday I went on a trip down memory lane and read through my old journals. What I found was both heartbreaking and enlightening. I’m so grateful, looking back, that I’m not where I was, and that I’m in a better place in my 30s than I ever was in my teens or twenties. But as I read through those journals, I thought how much better I would have been had I internalized some of the things I know now, and I wanted to share this with you, because I think there's a lot of people out there, no matter what their age, who need to hear this. So here it is, a letter to you and to my 15 year old self. 

1. God is not mad at you

My journals from ages 8 to 23 basically read like a giant apology letter. I spent those formative years being taught God was looking over my shoulder with a big stick, waiting to whack me for every mistake I made, and if he missed anything, the church certainly didn't. I lived in a constant state of fear, guilt, and shame. And if you're in that place, I want to tell you two things that freed me. God is not mad at you, and God is not out to get you. In fact, God offered his son's life to redeem you. And when you accept that free gift, you are covered by grace. You no longer have to live in guilt or fear, even when you do make a mistake. Grace allows us to shake it off and keep going. I don't have the space to write about it fully here, but this is a topic I am extremely passionate about because of the impact it made in my life, and if you want to talk about it, please send me a message or drop a comment on social media. I'd love to discuss. For now, just know that you are loved, and grace is enough. 

2. You don’t need anyone’s approval to be good enough

I've spent so much of my life trying to get the approval of some person or social group, and it wasn't until the last several years when I realized, no one else's opinions matter. I am enough. I am good enough, and if you don't think so, you aren't my people, and that's ok. You do you. Stop chasing a girl or a guy's opinion. Stop trying to win over your boss, your family, and your so called friends. The people who are right for you will love you as you are and help you walk through this journey of life together. The only approval you need is your own and God’s, and if you’re wondering about that, see thought 1. Be the best you for you, and do it again tomorrow. 

3. You don’t need to be skinnier to be pretty 

Pretty isn't a number on a scale. Looking back through my journals, the number changes, but the narrative is the same. "I need to reach x number of lbs to be at my best." That's a bunch of garbage fed to us by a society trying to make money. The only thing that matters is if you are physically and mentally healthy. Focus on nourishing and caring for yourself, and forget the numbers. When you are healthy and happy, your beauty will shine brighter than ever. 

4. You don’t have to change your hair, clothes, style, makeup, or skin color to please anyone else

I'm not sure who said this first, but stop trying to fit in when you were born to stand out. I've spent over half my life being ridiculed for being too punk, too eccentric, too white, too whatever. Let me just tell you, whoever made those arbitrary rules about what's cool and what's not needs to read thought 2. Don't change who you are to fit the mold. 

5. It’s ok to stand up for what you want 

I grew up being told my job was to make everyone around me happy. The typical, be a good wife, mother, caregiver, submissive, don't rock the boat woman. Well guess what. That's also a bunch of garbage created by a society who wants to sell us something and keep us quiet. And I, for one, am not ok with staying quiet and taking their medicine. We were born to make a difference in this life, and often that means challenging the status quo and upsetting a few people’s comfort zones. Go for it anyway. 

There’s a whole lot of thought packed into these five little paragraphs, and if you want to discuss more, I’m @KLWhiteHartman. For now, know that I love you, and I can’t wait to see you succeed. 

~K.L.W.