Things I’d Tell My 15 Year Old Self

  Hello friends! Yesterday I went on a trip down memory lane and read through my old journals. What I found was both heartbreaking and enlightening. I’m so grateful, looking back, that I’m not where I was, and that I’m in a better place in my 30s than I ever was in my teens or twenties. But as I read through those journals, I thought how much better I would have been had I internalized some of the things I know now, and I wanted to share this with you, because I think there's a lot of people out there, no matter what their age, who need to hear this. So here it is, a letter to you and to my 15 year old self. 

1. God is not mad at you

My journals from ages 8 to 23 basically read like a giant apology letter. I spent those formative years being taught God was looking over my shoulder with a big stick, waiting to whack me for every mistake I made, and if he missed anything, the church certainly didn't. I lived in a constant state of fear, guilt, and shame. And if you're in that place, I want to tell you two things that freed me. God is not mad at you, and God is not out to get you. In fact, God offered his son's life to redeem you. And when you accept that free gift, you are covered by grace. You no longer have to live in guilt or fear, even when you do make a mistake. Grace allows us to shake it off and keep going. I don't have the space to write about it fully here, but this is a topic I am extremely passionate about because of the impact it made in my life, and if you want to talk about it, please send me a message or drop a comment on social media. I'd love to discuss. For now, just know that you are loved, and grace is enough. 

2. You don’t need anyone’s approval to be good enough

I've spent so much of my life trying to get the approval of some person or social group, and it wasn't until the last several years when I realized, no one else's opinions matter. I am enough. I am good enough, and if you don't think so, you aren't my people, and that's ok. You do you. Stop chasing a girl or a guy's opinion. Stop trying to win over your boss, your family, and your so called friends. The people who are right for you will love you as you are and help you walk through this journey of life together. The only approval you need is your own and God’s, and if you’re wondering about that, see thought 1. Be the best you for you, and do it again tomorrow. 

3. You don’t need to be skinnier to be pretty 

Pretty isn't a number on a scale. Looking back through my journals, the number changes, but the narrative is the same. "I need to reach x number of lbs to be at my best." That's a bunch of garbage fed to us by a society trying to make money. The only thing that matters is if you are physically and mentally healthy. Focus on nourishing and caring for yourself, and forget the numbers. When you are healthy and happy, your beauty will shine brighter than ever. 

4. You don’t have to change your hair, clothes, style, makeup, or skin color to please anyone else

I'm not sure who said this first, but stop trying to fit in when you were born to stand out. I've spent over half my life being ridiculed for being too punk, too eccentric, too white, too whatever. Let me just tell you, whoever made those arbitrary rules about what's cool and what's not needs to read thought 2. Don't change who you are to fit the mold. 

5. It’s ok to stand up for what you want 

I grew up being told my job was to make everyone around me happy. The typical, be a good wife, mother, caregiver, submissive, don't rock the boat woman. Well guess what. That's also a bunch of garbage created by a society who wants to sell us something and keep us quiet. And I, for one, am not ok with staying quiet and taking their medicine. We were born to make a difference in this life, and often that means challenging the status quo and upsetting a few people’s comfort zones. Go for it anyway. 

There’s a whole lot of thought packed into these five little paragraphs, and if you want to discuss more, I’m @KLWhiteHartman. For now, know that I love you, and I can’t wait to see you succeed. 

~K.L.W.