Looking Back

  I'm feeling a bit nostalgic today because someone reminded me that this week marks ten years since I graduated from high school.  And this morning I took some time to sit down and really take that thought in (remember yesterday's talk...Take It All In?)  I thought about all the things I believed I would have accomplished in ten years.  When I was 18, I thought that as soon as I got out on my own that life would be easy.  It wasn't.  I thought that as soon as I graduated college my money problems would go away.  They didn't.  And I thought that becoming an adult would somehow make my life perfect overnight.  And of course, that didn't happen.
  But let me tell you what did happen.  I grew up.  Little by little, over the last ten years I've been becoming a better version of me.  Day by day, through struggles and triumphs, I've learned who I am and where I fit in the world.  I've found purpose, meaning, and a whole lot of love.  Was it easy?  Nope.  Do I have it all together?  No.  And do I have everything I thought I would ten years from graduation high school?  Definitely not.
  But here's what I do have.

Forgiveness.  There's nothing like a divorce, rejection, betrayal, and mistakes to teach you who you really are and test the limits of your ability to forgive both yourself and others.  But, you know what?  I'm ok.  And my life is great.  And I can live in harmony with my past because I've learned to live and let live and to forgive and move on.  I'm not perfect, and neither is anyone else.  I can give grace because I've needed grace many times.  Making forgiveness a way of life is the quickest way to rid yourself of unnecessary burdens and grievances and free yourself to live guilt free.  

Purpose.  I've tried out a lot of jobs in the ten years since I've graduated from high school.  I've done finance and food service, teaching and care giving.  I've done multi-level marketing and cashiering and supervising.  I've dipped my toes into a lot of fields of work, but what I've learned is that God has a much bigger plan for me outside of my job.  My job is not my life.  It simply facilitates my life for now.  I've also learned that my job does not control me, and if it does not bring me peace, then I can let it go.  And because I have a sense of purpose, I know what to prioritize my time for and to not sacrifice time towards projects that do not move me closer to my goal.

Faith.  Sometimes life is hard, really really hard.  Losing a child is hard.  Losing close friends is hard.  Having a child with a behavioral disorder is exhausting.  But I've learned through every up and down that God is faithful.  There are so many times I have asked God, "Why?"  And even though I don't have all the answers, I know that He is working all things together for my good, and I don't have to know it all to believe God is good and He loves me, and He has a plan and purpose for my life.

Confidence.  When I was a teenager, I had so many insecurities.  I cared about what people thought of me.  I was told I was "too white,"  so I didn't wear shorts.  I was made fun of for my sense of style.  And people's hurtful words stuck to me.   I was rejected for the music I liked and the color I dyed my hair.  Often times I rebelled and did the opposite of the norm simply because I felt I could never live up to everyone's expectations.  But over the last ten years, I realized that none of those people's opinions mattered.  I learned to listen to the right people, and as my mentors would say, "Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated."  I learned to cut the wrong people out of my life and to stand up for myself.  I'm not afraid to speak out, even if my opinion isn't the popular one.  I dress how I like, and if people don't like it, that's ok.  I give myself permission to be me and to let other people's negativity roll off my back.

Hope.  I truly believe that the best things lie ahead of me.  I'm not afraid of what tomorrow holds because I have dreams and goals, and I believe God has a purpose for my life.  He's not done with me yet, and I can't wait to see what I will learn, do, and be in the next ten years.

No matter where you find yourself in life's journey, take some time to reflect.  Are you where you thought you'd be?  If not, it's ok.  It's never too late to start moving in the right direction.  Life is a process, and we are all working it out in our own time.  I hope you know you are amazing, and God can do great things with your next ten years as well.  I can't wait to see you succeed!

~K.W.