Stupid Questions

When I was 16 I moved from my secluded small private school world to a public high school.  Upon moving I very quickly realized just how little I knew about the ways of the world.  My friends at school were having conversations about things I had never heard of, and while I’d always been good at “fake it til you make it,”  they knew I was ignorant.  I couldn’t ask my parents about the terms I heard at school.  I was already in enough trouble without them assuming that I was thinking about sex.  The truth is though, I just wanted to be in the know.  I wanted to have enough knowledge to decide whether I was in or out of the conversation.  With no knowledge, I could only nod and smile and pretend.  

There was a girl down the street though, and she knew.  She invited me over one day not long after I started at the new school, and I promptly began to ask her to define every term I had heard and not understood from the last few weeks at school.  Fourteen years later I still cringe every time I think about my asking of those questions. I had a gym teacher at my old school who used to say, “There’s no stupid questions, only stupid people.”  I think that is one of the worst things you can ever say to an inquiring mind.  But the thing is, I have always been willing to ask “dumb” questions.  I like to learn, and if I don’t ask, how will I know?  I’m willing to risk looking stupid for the sake of knowing more.  So I asked, and she answered, and never once did she judge me (at least not out loud.)  I can only imagine what she was thinking internally.  But by sharing her knowledge with me that day, she gave me an in.  I no longer sat at the lunch table feeling left out and unsure of what was being discussed.  I had knowledge now, albeit little, and knowledge is power.  

Giving someone an in is powerful.  It’s allowing them to sit at the table.  It’s using your power to lift someone up when you could push them down. Is it time that you gave someone an in?  Maybe there’s someone at your work who is struggling and needs to know what you know to succeed.  Maybe you can give someone the info they are looking for so they can become part of the conversation.  Not everyone is brave enough to ask, and this often can leave people stuck on the outside.  Keep your eyes and arms open to the people who may need you to extend a hand and welcome them into your circle.  That small act of kindness may open a doorway for them, and as Maya Angelou said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  Make people feel invited, even if that means letting down your guard a little to let them in.  We all need someone to save us a seat and give us an invite.  Be that person for someone.  I can’t wait to see you succeed!

~K.W.