Cutting Corners

   Good Morning Friends! This week I have been thinking about projects, because lately, I've been doing a lot of them, both personally, remodeling bathrooms and bedrooms, and professionally, launching a new book this weekend. And the truth is, and my husband and son can attest to this; I'm not exactly the world's most patient person. It's easy to start a project with excitement and a vision of where it is headed. But sometimes we get halfway through the project and we just want it to be done. We get impatient, wanting the end result without having to go through the difficult and tedious steps to achieve it. 

  The problem is, often when we start to get impatient is when we cut corners to try to get to our results faster. For example, I don't mind painting, but if given the choice I would definitely skip taping if I could. And truthfully, I did. I got half the bathroom taped and said, "Forget it. I'll just paint carefully."  I'm sure you can all guess how well that turned out. When we get impatient and skip steps, we often make mistakes that cost us time and energy, and that could have been avoided had we just done the step by step work. 

  Consider that fad diet that gets you to your goal weight quickly but isn't sustainable. This is an example of skipping the steps of eating right and exercising as a lifestyle. Making these habits a routine is challenging, and it may take longer to get results, but in the end you will be better off doing this "project" the right way, rather than rushing to get the end result. 

  Being patient and following through for the duration of the project is a skill that will serve us well in life. Our lives themselves, are, in fact, a project. We are all working on some goal or dream, and often those take longer than we expect, but if we can stay the course and keep taking the tedious steps, we will achieve the end results without the struggle and frustration of skipping steps and making mistakes.  

  No matter what project you are working on today, keep the end goal in mind and don't rush through it. Be in the journey and take one step at a time. The results will be much better if you stay the course and don't cut corners. Be patient with yourself and what you're working on. I can't wait to see you succeed!

~K.L.W. 

Control Issues

   Good Morning Friends, today I am thinking about control. I am thinking about the ways we try to micromanage our lives, plan every detail, and organize to the nth degree, as if that will somehow get us the desired results. Now, don't get me wrong. Organization and planning are good. They can make our lives more manageable, functional, and help us to allocate our time towards what is most important to us. But the problem comes in when we think we can control everything, because inevitably, this mindset only leads to frustration and most likely meltdown. 

    Speaking from personal experience, the more I try to control every little detail, the more I set myself up to be disappointed. Because in truth, we aren't in control, and that can be a scary feeling to cope with. We can't control when a toddler will have a tantrum, or when a teenager forgets their shoes for sports practice. This last year, we found out we aren't in control of what the grocery store has in stock, our vacation plans, or our employment status. The truth is, we aren't really in control of anything, except our own reactions and actions.  

  This not being in control thing can be pretty frightening, or it can be freeing. You see, for me, I believe there is a God who is in control of all of it, and when the uncontrollable happens, this is what I cling to. We can't control when a loved one gets sick or injured. We can't control the weather. But we can trust the One who is in control and who works all things out for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28)

  So, while you're planning and organizing, remember to also give grace and allow room for the unexpected. It's ok to let go of the reins a little. You don't have to be in charge of the whole world. You only have to be in charge of you. Adjust your trajectory as needed, but don't panic when things go off course. After all, you're not in control anyway. Trust the One who is.

I can't wait to see you succeed!

~K.L.W. 

A Raw Deal

   Hello Friends, today I want to talk to you about something a little more raw than usual, forgiveness. What does it really mean to forgive, to move on, to bury the hatchet, so to speak? And how can we go about doing this, especially with the really big hurts in our lives? 

  Let's start with the definition of forgiveness, what it is, and what it isn't. Forgiveness, for starters, does not mean you have amnesia. It does not mean you never think of that person or situation again. It also does not mean naivete. Forgiving someone does not mean you put yourself back into a position of trust or familiarity with them if they do not deserve it. Forgiveness does not mean a restored relationship. Sometimes relationships need to stay broken, and forgiveness needs to happen from a distance. I believe this is especially the case with survivors of trauma, domestic abuse, or toxic relationships. You can forgive while still protecting yourself from more harm. 

  That said, if all those things aren't forgiveness, then what is? I found this definition from Oxford Languages online. "Forgive:  to stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw, or mistake." This is why forgiveness is so powerful, and so important. Because, while we may have a right to be angry over a situation, and I am not suggesting you should never be angry. To continue to hold onto anger and resentment long term will destroy us from the inside out. Have you ever heard the expression, "Drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die?" That's what holding on to anger and resentment does. It destroys us; it keeps us from moving forward, and it steals our peace. 

  Now, I don't know about you, but I don't want the people who hurt me to have the satisfaction of stealing one more ounce of joy from me. I want to live fully, and for me, that means forgiveness is one of my core principles. 

  But I would like to suggest to you that forgiveness, like so many other things in life, is a practice. I don't think it's an overnight thing, and often, I think we have to forgive the same people repeatedly to get the healing we need. Here's what I mean. If forgiveness doesn't come naturally to you, like it doesn't for most of us, then start small. Forgive that person for cutting you in line. Forgive the driver who cut you off in traffic. Forgive your significant other for forgetting to pick up milk on the way home. These little acts of forgiveness will begin to build your emotional muscle, so to speak, so that you are more prepared to forgive when big things happen in life. 

  Another question we often wrestle with is how to forgive someone when we don't feel like it. After all, forgiveness is letting go of anger and resentment, but how can we do that when we still feel angry and resentful? I believe this is part of the practice as well. Like in physical training, sometimes we have to go through the motions until our bodies and minds catch up. So, perhaps you cannot forgive your spouse yet for ruining your favorite sweater in the dryer. Go to a private space and practice saying out loud, "I forgive you." And put a smile on your face when you do. As you practice this, it may not feel natural at first, and it may take a few days before you can actually say it to your spouse, but you will be training your mind and body to begin letting go of anger and resentment. 

  "Ok, that's great." You might be saying, "But what about the really big things, the important things like social injustice, abuse, violence, betrayal?" These situations are big and complex, and if you're going through them, I recommend you seek outside help, like a professional counselor to work through them. But here is how this applies to those situations. We have a right and perhaps even an obligation to be angry about these situations. Social injustice should infuriate us. Violence should make us angry toward the aggressor. However, it is unusual for us to function at our best when we are angry. And if we are to resolve some of these bigger problems, we have to be able to do it from our best selves. We have to be clear headed and wise to navigate these major situations, and anger and resentment will only get in the way. Hatred only begets more hatred, and that is why forgiveness is so crucial. 

  In these situations, if we are to overcome them, we have to put in the practice, over and over again. I believe we have to employ several strategies here. The first, like we talked about, is practice. The second is compassion. Sometimes we have to try to see things from another perspective and know that, while this does not justify the other person's actions, it does explain them. Hurt people do hurt people. Let's end that cycle. 

  This week, I saw an article featuring a person who was extremely detrimental to me growing up. The article talked about how wonderful and sweet and kind this person was, and to be honest, it immediately filled me with rage. I wanted to write an angry letter, throw my computer, tell the world what a sham that person was. But all these emotions shocked me, because I had forgiven that person years ago. So why was I so filled with anger now? 

  This got me thinking, often times forgiveness, especially for those bigger hurts, is not a one time deal. It may be a minute by minute laying down of anger and resentment. We may have to lay those emotions down time and again when they seize us and try to derail our lives. As I wrestled with these emotions, I reached for my practice. I spoke the words again. "I forgive you." I reminded myself of the reasons behind this person's actions, that, while still wrong, were more understandable, and I released that resentment again. And you know what, once I released those emotions, I was able to move on and enjoy my day, without being shackled by the weight of unforgiveness. 

  I'm not saying those emotions will never come back. And I will probably never be part of any organization with which this individual is involved. But I do know that I have freed myself by releasing the anger and resentment and choosing to forgive. And I believe that freedom and forgiveness are possible for you too.

  If you are hurting today, if you are filled with anger and resentment over a situation, either recent or long past, make the decision to begin practicing forgiveness, and free yourself from that person or situation. You deserve healing. You deserve joy. Forgiveness is a step on that path. I can't wait to see you succeed.

~K.L.W. 

In Front of You

   

Good morning, Friends. I want to talk to you today about the practice of gratitude. Many of us have a morning routine, and so often we may stumble through it, too sleepy to really pay attention, or rush through it in too much of a hurry to enjoy our morning. But the practice of gratitude can help us reclaim our minutes and to truly enjoy our days without missing all the beauty that's going on around us. 

  This morning I sat down to do a simple gratitude practice, list three things I am thankful for. I sat on the couch and looked around, taking time to slow down and ask, "What am I thankful for?" At first, my brain gave this overarching answer, "Everything." "Ok," I asked myself, "But what about right now, in this minute?" Almost immediately I smelled the fragrance of my blueberry coffee, and I smiled. The first thing to be thankful for. I thought of the seeds in the garden after last night's rain, and I was thankful for the beauty of plants and growth. I looked at my bundle of highlighters and realized, I am thankful for color and variety in life. And then it hit me. Everything we want in life, peace, beauty, joy, love, it's all right here, right in front of us. But so often we are too busy to notice it. We are running from one thing to the next and wondering why we are stressed out and can't find peace, when really, it is right here. We just have to slow down to see it. We have to take time to be grateful for it. 

  Gratitude isn't hard, but it's often overlooked. It seems everyone from scientists to Oprah Winfrey has talked about the importance of a gratitude practice for our overall well-being, and yet so often we forget to take this simple action of slowing down and being thankful. 

  Today, I encourage you to make a commitment to practice gratitude. It is one of the simplest things you can do to reclaim your minutes and your peace. And as the saying goes, "The more you are thankful for, the more you will have to be thankful for." Look for things to appreciate in the world around you. There's more beauty in your life than you realize. You simply have to slow down and stop missing it. Take the time to smell the roses today and to be grateful that you can. You only get one life. I can't wait to see you succeed!

~K.L.W. 

Tough Going

   Good Morning, and Happy July!  Today, I am thinking about habits, and I know, I know, I talk to you about habits all the time.  But stick with me here. I had a thought this week which opened my eyes to something I hadn't realized before. 

  We all have dreams, goals, and ambitions for our lives, and habits are what bridge the gap between  who we are and who we want to be. But a lot of the time habits seem really hard to create. Starting a new way of eating, a new exercise routine, a new personal development plan, or a new morning schedule is daunting, and sometimes we get too overwhelmed to even start.  But the thing is, habits are only hard when they're new. Because after we do them for a while they become, well, habit. What makes habits so tough then is just starting them. The beginning phase of anything is hard. New routines, new habits, changes of any kind require us to discipline ourselves and learn new things. But once we get past this stage, it isn't so difficult.

  The real problem then is, if you're anything like me, you might start and stop a habit a lot before you really get it. And when we continually start and stop new habits, we never get past the hard phase. This makes us perceive new habits as even more difficult than they really are. So the key to making our habits easier is to get out of the new phase as quickly as possible.  And the only way to take a habit from the new phase to the routine phase is to repeat it. Every Single Day. 

  I've heard a lot from experts about doing challenges. 21 days, 30 days, 60 days, even 90 days. And I've never really paid much attention to it. But this last month I decided to get serious about a few things, so I started a 31 day challenge, and since I know I'm prone to stopping and starting, I enlisted the help of a few friends and social media to keep me accountable. And guess what happened?  My habits became easy! Why, because I stuck with them long enough to get through the difficult beginning phase. Exercising no longer seems like some insurmountable chore.  I just do it, because it's part of my habit now. 

  Have you been wrestling with stopping and starting habits for a long time? Have you been stuck in the hard phase because you never stick with it long enough to make it routine? Now might be the perfect time for you to start a challenge. Pick a manageable habit; pick a time frame; enlist some friends if you have to, and do not quit! I promise you the reward is worth the effort. Stop living in the difficult beginning, and start living in the realm of habit. I can't wait to see you succeed!

~K.L.W.