Give and Receive

   

Hello Friends! I read something recently which caused me to pause and reevaluate my stance on giving. You see, giving is one of my core values. It’s something I believe very strongly in, and something I want to encourage other people to believe in. It’s my belief that the more we all give, the more we can help each other, and the better we can make the world. 

  But Brené Brown said something which made me take a step back and really question myself and my motives in giving. In her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, she delivers a truth which stopped me in my tracks. It goes like this, “Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgement to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgement to giving help.” 

  Wow! I never thought of it like that. But when I read it, I knew she was right. I had been giving from this somehow self-righteous point of view. I always wanted to be the one giving help, never the one asking for help. It’s as if I felt it was a shame to be in need, and by thinking this, I was subconsciously shaming those I was giving to. 

  Perhaps you, like me, need to become a better giver by learning to become a better receiver. I had to let go of my pride, humble myself enough to ask for and receive help when I needed it, and by doing this, let go of my unconscious prejudice against those I was giving to. 

  In order to make the world a better place, we all need to become better givers of our time, talents, and resources, but we also need to become better receivers, accepting help when we need it, and not looking down on ourselves or on others for being the one in a position of need. None of us are islands. We all need help, and the sooner we learn to accept what we need from others without shame or judgement, the sooner we can give wholeheartedly without shaming or judging those we give to. 

  Today, make the commitment to better those around you by being a giver. But do it with the humility and recognition that you are also in need. Get good at offering someone a hand up, but also, reach out and accept the hand that’s being offered to you. Become a judgement free giver and receiver. We will all be better off for it. I can’t wait to see you succeed!

~K.L.W.

Holiday Dilemmas

   Hello Friends, and welcome, officially, to the holiday season. Earlier this week, I addressed some of the ways to keep the holiday season from passing you by in a rush of too many events with too many people and too many things to do. But today, I want to talk about the dark side of the holiday season. 

  You see, for many people, the holidays might be a difficult time of year. Perhaps you are estranged from your family, and this season brings the pain of past holidays. Maybe you struggle with disordered eating, and this time of year throws your progress into question as you try to navigate holiday parties and extra office treats. Or perhaps, you are facing mental health challenges, and this season amplifies your feelings of anxiety or depression. 

  If this time of year isn’t ideal for you, I want to encourage you by first saying, you aren’t alone. And it’s ok to not be ok right now. That being said, there are some things you can do to make this time of year, if not festive, at least tolerable. 

  The first is to surround yourself with those who support you. Maybe that’s booking an extra few sessions with your therapist on days or weeks you know will be touchy. Maybe that’s making arrangements with a friend who knows your story and will call to check in on you periodically. Find you tribe of supporters and make sure they know you might need them a little extra right now. 

  Secondly, do the holidays on your terms. You don’t have to say yes to every event you’re invited to, and you don’t have to feel guilty for protecting your peace of mind. Be willing to say no and only commit to those things you can. Maybe that means you don’t go to your aunt’s party where you know there will be people you are uncomfortable with. Or you stay home from the office gift exchange because you want to avoid the temptation to break your sobriety. Caring for yourself and your values is one of the most important gifts you can give this season. 

  Lastly, find things that do give you joy and help you celebrate, even if they aren’t what everyone else is doing. Maybe that’s making a hot chocolate and taking a peaceful drive to see the local holiday lights. Maybe it’s just sitting with your significant other by the tree. Perhaps it’s volunteering behind the scenes at a local food bank or shelter. Find the things that make you want to celebrate and that bring you light this season. 

  Holidays can be tricky, but no matter where you are mentally and emotionally, there is opportunity to find joy and meaning this time of year. Make a conscious choice to celebrate what’s important to you, and let go of what isn’t. You don’t have to live up to anyone else’s holiday expectations. Give yourself the gift of really making this the most wonderful time of the year for you. I can’t wait to see you succeed! 

~K.L.W.