How to Love Your Spouse 1.0

  Well, it's here again folks. The time of year when I have to start bundling up to go to bed has arrived.  And for those of you that are thinking I've lost my sanity because it was 90 degrees out today, and there is no way anyone should be bundling up in those temperatures, let me explain.  Every year about this time, my husband says my least favorite words, "I think I'm going to put the air conditioner in today."  Now, I know this would have most of you rejoicing, but not so for me. You see, I am a person who does not enjoy cold air being blown on me when I'm trying to sleep, which means that when the air conditioner comes out, I get out my sweatshirts and start layering up.  But here's the thing.  I don't mind going through this extra hassle, because I know that my husband will not sleep at all if he is stifling hot, and I care deeply about making sure my husband is comfortable.  I value our relationship, and therefore I'm willing to make a few compromises to make sure it stays good, and to be honest, I think we have a pretty great marriage.  So, I thought tonight I'd share a few things with you that make our relationship work so well.
  First of all, you do not have to be alike to have a good relationship.  In fact, my husband and I are about as opposite as any two people can get.  We do not agree on politics, religion, music, tidiness, or how many dogs is reasonable to have in a 700 square foot apartment.  But, you know what?  These things have not stopped us from being happy or from living in harmony, so here's a few ideas that can maybe give your relationship a kick start if you are needing it, or just help it to keep running smoothly if you're already cruising along.

1.  Appreciate Often
    What I mean by this is verbally telling your spouse you appreciate them, and telling them specifically why.  I also find that one of the best ways to do this is to praise your significant other in public.  After all, who doesn't like to hear someone say good things about them to other people?  Giving your partner specific compliments and words of gratitude often will go a long way towards keeping you both happy.  Another way in which I share kind words with my husband is through a notebook.  Both my husband and my son have their own notebooks, and every so often I take the time to write them each a note of encouragement, and then I leave those notes on the table for them to find.  There are so many creative ways for you to express your love and appreciation, but make sure that you do this often.  You will reap a return of a strengthened relationship, and you will fill your spouse with confidence which will only make your interactions better.

2.  Let Things Go
    Too often I think we have a tendency to hold onto little irritations and make them a bigger deal than they really need to be.  Now, I am the queen of allowing little things to set me off if I'm tired or hungry, but I have really been working on this for the last few years, and I think I've gotten better.  It would do us and our partners all a lot of good to realize that once a grievance or irritation has happened, unless there is some difficulty which resulted that still needs addressed, there is no reason to cause a fuss or even bring up your irritation at all.  Just let it go.

3.  Make Time for Each Other
    Now, my husband and I have opposite work schedules, which means we almost never get a night off together, but this doesn't mean we don't make time to spend with one another.  It might be a late night meal or staying up to watch a few episodes on Netflix.  Some mornings we squeeze in a walk at the park or run errands together.  If you're like us and have a pretty hectic life which can send you scattering in all directions each week, it's vital for the health of your relationship that you carve out minutes specifically for each other.  Just as you invest a lot of time in someone when you first start dating in order to get that relationship off to a good start, you must be willing to continue to invest in one another to keep your relationship moving smoothly.

4.  Give
    Lastly, know that in a good relationship, it's not about what you can take from it, but what you can pour into it.  Now, don't be confused.  This does not mean it's ok to allow someone to take advantage of you and never give into the relationship and expect you to do it all.  What this means is that in a good relationship, both parties are focused on what they can give to the other person, not what they can take from them, and this is what makes the relationship strong.  When each person knows that the other has his or her best interest at heart, they will each continually want to give more into the relationship out of an expression of love and gratitude towards their partner, and this creates a cycle of giving.  To truly do this well requires you to know that needs and desires of your spouse and then go out of your way to meet them.  My husband is excellent at this, and it makes me fall in love with him all over again each time he does something sweet, like remembering to buy me a Diet Coke to go with my McDonalds.  A small thing?  Yes, but he knows it will make me happy, and so he does it.  Pouring into your significant other does not always have to be an elaborate gesture or major sacrifice.  Most of the time it's just small actions taken daily to show them you care.

  I'm not an expert at marriage, and I certainly don't claim to know everything, but what I can tell you is that my husband and I have been together for 6 years, and we are still very happy, and our relationship gets better with each passing day, and that my friends, is something worth celebrating.  I hope that some of these tips will help you and your loved one today to build a better relationship.  Until next time!

~K.W.