Holiday Dilemmas

   Hello Friends, and welcome, officially, to the holiday season. Earlier this week, I addressed some of the ways to keep the holiday season from passing you by in a rush of too many events with too many people and too many things to do. But today, I want to talk about the dark side of the holiday season. 

  You see, for many people, the holidays might be a difficult time of year. Perhaps you are estranged from your family, and this season brings the pain of past holidays. Maybe you struggle with disordered eating, and this time of year throws your progress into question as you try to navigate holiday parties and extra office treats. Or perhaps, you are facing mental health challenges, and this season amplifies your feelings of anxiety or depression. 

  If this time of year isn’t ideal for you, I want to encourage you by first saying, you aren’t alone. And it’s ok to not be ok right now. That being said, there are some things you can do to make this time of year, if not festive, at least tolerable. 

  The first is to surround yourself with those who support you. Maybe that’s booking an extra few sessions with your therapist on days or weeks you know will be touchy. Maybe that’s making arrangements with a friend who knows your story and will call to check in on you periodically. Find you tribe of supporters and make sure they know you might need them a little extra right now. 

  Secondly, do the holidays on your terms. You don’t have to say yes to every event you’re invited to, and you don’t have to feel guilty for protecting your peace of mind. Be willing to say no and only commit to those things you can. Maybe that means you don’t go to your aunt’s party where you know there will be people you are uncomfortable with. Or you stay home from the office gift exchange because you want to avoid the temptation to break your sobriety. Caring for yourself and your values is one of the most important gifts you can give this season. 

  Lastly, find things that do give you joy and help you celebrate, even if they aren’t what everyone else is doing. Maybe that’s making a hot chocolate and taking a peaceful drive to see the local holiday lights. Maybe it’s just sitting with your significant other by the tree. Perhaps it’s volunteering behind the scenes at a local food bank or shelter. Find the things that make you want to celebrate and that bring you light this season. 

  Holidays can be tricky, but no matter where you are mentally and emotionally, there is opportunity to find joy and meaning this time of year. Make a conscious choice to celebrate what’s important to you, and let go of what isn’t. You don’t have to live up to anyone else’s holiday expectations. Give yourself the gift of really making this the most wonderful time of the year for you. I can’t wait to see you succeed! 

~K.L.W. 

Thankfullness

   Good Morning, Friends! It's the day after Thanksgiving, and I am hoping you all got the chance to eat delicious food among family and friends. And if you, like me, were so busy yesterday that you didn't get the chance to truly take time to appreciate it all, maybe take the time this morning to think back over all you have been blessed with and express your gratitude. 

  You see, gratitude isn't a once a year thing reserved for Thanksgiving day. It's a practice that will truly change our lives inside and out if we let it. Learning to live with gratitude means finding the good in every situation. It's expressing joy over what you do have, rather than being ruled by remorse for all you don't have. It's the seed of opportunity in each obstacle. It's a mindset shift that will transform our perspectives and eventually our outcomes if we take the time to put in into practice. 

  Here's what I mean. When you begin the habit of gratitude, like any other new habit, you will probably have to remind yourself to do it on a daily basis. It may even feel forced at times. But as you sit down and write down and speak out the things you are grateful for, you will begin to retrain your brain to actively look for things to be grateful for. When your brain is actively looking for good things, it tends to see, recognize, and thus celebrate the good things more often, which leads to you feeling more positive and uplifted more often. 

  This positive mood and energy will allow you to pursue more of the things you love and care about and attract people to you who have similar mindsets, thus giving you more in your life to be grateful for. Essentially, the habit of gratitude genuinely put into practice on a regular basis has the ability to cause you to feel more joyful, and actually receive more into your life to be grateful for. It's an upward spiral which can transform your life in any area. 

  Let me give you an example. Let's say you decide to practice gratitude in the area of your relationship to your spouse. You start actively looking for things they say, do, or are which you can be grateful for. As you do this, you notice more and more positive things about your spouse, which makes you feel more drawn to them, and causes you to act with more affection toward them. Your rekindled affection toward your spouse causes them to respond in kind, thus making your relationship better and giving you even more to be thankful for. 

  This positive spiral can work in any area of our lives, but we have to start with genuine gratitude for what we do have. As we practice appreciating all the good we have been blessed with, we will notice more good things, make more positive choices, and attract even more to be thankful for. Get out a notebook and start writing down what you're thankful for today. Apply gratitude to your life, and see just how much you truly do have to appreciate. I can't wait to see you succeed!

~K.L.W.

Winner Takes All

   Hi Friends! I talked to my son recently about something I think we as adults could use a reminder of also. Success is not a zero-sum game. And here's what I mean by that. Someone else succeeding does not mean you have failed, nor does it mean there is no room for you to succeed. There is lots of room at the top, believe it or not. Someone else winning at their career or health or relationship or finances does not mean you can't win also. It's just a false mindset of jealousy which often tricks us into feeling as if this is the case. 

  Oftentimes when we see someone receive something we want, we feel a pang of jealousy. This can happen for a number of reasons. Sometimes it's because we feel they have received something we want or something we think we deserve. Or, it reveals our frustration with ourselves for not having put forth the effort to get what we want. Left unchecked, these feelings of anger and jealousy can create division and hatred. But if we take the time to really notice and evaluate why we feel this way, it may drive us to change our decisions. 

  Perhaps your co-worker's promotion can be a catalyst to cause you to reach for what you want at work, to pursue the raise or promotion you have been neglecting. Or maybe seeing all the weight your sister lost to become healthy can spur you to choose a healthier lifestyle also. Perhaps she will even help you by exercising with you or sharing her healthful recipes. Often those we view with contempt because of our jealousy could be our allies on the way to achieving our own desires and goals. 

  You see, unlike in a sporting competition where the winner takes all, other people's successes do not rob us of anything. It is only our comparison and jealousy which robs us of joy and often times of friendships. If we recognize that our neighbor's success does not exclude us from success and instead channel those feelings of frustration in to positive action, we will find ourselves not only moving closer to our goals but also cheering on those around us. 

  There is enough joy, enough success, enough goodness to go around. Stop comparing and start living the life you desire. In life, there isn't just one winner. Go out and work to win at your race, and while you're at it, cheer on the person in the next lane. I can't wait to see you succeed!

~K.L.W. 

Things

   Ok Friends, I have a confession to make. I hate clutter, like not just dislike it; I loathe it with a burning passion. If there is something in my house I do not want or use, it is immediately found a new place to live. My son will be the first to tell you, I do not keep papers and trinkets from school, much to his chagrin. In fact, I'm certain he has had at least one therapy appointment about this subject alone. It's not that I'm not sentimental. I have a cedar chest with a few important mementos tucked in it, but beyond that, I just cannot allow extra "trash" to clog up my mental and physical space. 

  Now, you may be thinking my stance is rather harsh and militant on this matter, and perhaps it is, but let me explain why. For a long time, I collected everything that came my way. I thought having more things made me more important or somehow made me more secure in life. But in reality, all it did was make me more stressed. You see, holding on to things we don't need is not just a physical burden on our space, it is a dangerous mindset that can imprison us if we are not aware of it. Our desire to hoard or keep extra things is a need for a security, a mindset of fear and scarcity. 

  Additionally, having excess clutter in our homes drains us mentally because it is always weighing on us. It drains us physically by taking up space and giving us more work to do to clean and maintain all the extra items and spaces we wouldn't have to otherwise. While we may think keeping all the extra items gives us security, it actually is stealing our peace. And the only way to be free is to begin to let go. Now, for some, this is easier than for others. Personally, once I learned how freeing it is to get rid of the extra stuff, I became obsessed with it, and my son is the same way. He has been known at times to help his friends "clean" their rooms, which essentially means throwing all their toys in the garbage. His friends' parents are not usually on board when this happens. 

  Unlike my son, for others, the idea of letting go of even a single item may be terrifying. Perhaps they grew up with nothing or lived through a time of poverty, and this fear-based mindset is still ruling in their lives. If you are one of these people, it may be a process. You may have to start small with giving away just one item, but I promise it will get easier the more you do it. My personal rule is, if it doesn't bring beauty and joy to my home, or if I'm not going to use it (soon), then it doesn't have a place in my home. 

  I encourage you to stop allowing excess clutter to rob you of mental and physical energy. Find ways to give away or recycle items you don't use. Not only will you feel lighter and freer without the burden of extra things, but you will get the joy of blessing someone else who may actually need the items you are storing. We are blessed to be a blessing, remember. If you have been living in scarcity and fear, begin to work on your mindset. Change how you talk and think with affirmations. Begin speaking from a mindset of "I have what I need." Do not allow yourself to be controlled by stuff, feeling as if you must cling tightly to everything that comes your way. When your fists are holding on so tightly to the things you have, your hands cannot be open to receive new and better blessings. It's time to stop living in fear and free up your mental and physical space. I can't wait to see you succeed!

~K.L.W. 

Nature

   Genesis 8:22 - As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease. 

Photo credit to Holiday Homestead

  Hi friends! This week we’ve been talking about Growth. Growth is a function of nature, and it’s also a spiritual law. But it doesn’t just happen on its own. In fact, for anything to grow, there has to first be a seed. The seed must be planted in the right environment and nurtured if we are to expect any sort of a harvest. 

  This principle of growth applies to our lives also. If we desire to produce results in any area of our lives it’s going to require us to grow. But we have to start with a seed. Our seed is a plan to grow. In the same way that you choose which plants you will grow when starting a garden, you must choose which actions you will take if you want to grow.

  Once we’ve chosen our seed, we must nurture it to help it get to maturity and produce a harvest. This nurturing is the actual work of growth. It’s the getting up and working out, the picking up a book and reading, the follow through with our plan to grow. If we were to garden by just taking seeds and scattering them around with no further effort, we would find surprisingly little, if any results. The same is true in our lives. If we set a plan to grow but never follow through, we won’t achieve the results we want. 

  This week, get intentional about how you want to grow. Pick out those seeds and put them in the ground. Then nurture them by following through with action steps. Given time and care, your actions will blossom into a harvest of results in your life. Don’t be a haphazard gardener with your life. Make a plan and start growing. I can’t wait to see you succeed. 

~K.L.W.

Little

   Ever heard the quote, “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” This is perseverance. Often times when we think of persevering, we think of intensity, maybe picturing tough work outs, emotional sports wins, or legendary fights like in the movies. But it’s not always. 

  Sometimes, in fact, most times, I think, perseverance is quiet. It’s the mom who gets on her knees each night to pray when it looks like her child will never change. It’s a trauma victim who chooses to get out of bed and keep living. It’s a dad who goes to work each day to put food on the table. It’s the couple who never stops hoping and believing for that baby. 

  Often the earth shaking victories only happen after moment upon moment of quiet decisions to simply push on. Perseverance doesn’t have to be big, loud, or obvious. The Scripture says it like this, stand your ground, and having done all, stand. (Ephesians 6:13) It’s putting your stake in the ground, refusing to quit, taking the step no matter how small it seems. 

  This week, don’t worry if you aren’t shouting success from the rooftops. You can only get to the mountaintop by climbing the mountain. Dig in, take the step, persevere. I can’t wait to see you succeed. 

~K.L.W.

Don’t Make It Difficult

  Hi friends! This week we are talking about simple ways to upgrade and improve our health. Too often we think becoming healthier requires big complicated overhauls of our whole lives, and while sometimes that may be true, most of the time, just starting with those small steps can bring about big change. 

  For years I wanted to be skinnier, feel better, and be “healthy.” So I bought intense programs and tried expensive meal plans, and most of the time I failed within a week. And not only that, I felt discouraged and as if I wasn’t good enough since I couldn’t stick to this rigorous plan amidst my already overly busy life. Can you relate? 

  It wasn’t until I realized that healthy isn’t a number on a scale, and becoming healthier didn’t mean exhausting and stressing myself out with complicated meal plans and intense workouts that I was able to start making progress. I learned that 20 minutes of yoga I enjoyed was better than dreading, avoiding and not doing a 30 minute HITT workout. I found I didn’t need to count calories and have the perfect diet if I just generally aimed for better more whole foods and less processed sugary ones. 

  Improvement does not happen all at once, but often with our health we think it should. Remember that growth is gradual, and improving your health is done one small daily decision at a time. Don’t beat yourself up or hold yourself back for not being the epitome of fitness and health. Instead, find the small things you can and will stick with to make yourself feel better, and soon you will have more energy for continued improvement. Don’t over complicate it. One simple step at a time. I can’t wait to see you succeed. 

~K.L.W.

A Privilege and A Responsibility

   Hi there! This week we are talking about Reading, and in case you hadn't heard, this is one of my FAVORITE things in the whole world. I LOVE books! In fact, years ago before my husband and I had the money to buy a house, I wrote a wish list of things I wanted in our dream home. Floor to ceiling bookshelves were on that list. And guess what? When we looked at the home we live in now, I walked into the livingroom and there were two bookshelves covering the wall. I was sold right then and there. 

  Ok, you might be wondering, besides the fact that I'm a total nerd, why do I love books so much? Well, because books can transport you to another world, teach you a new skill, and quite literally, transform your life. As an English major, I have read everything from Beowulf  (an old English poem written somewhere between 700-100 AD) to Monster (a contemporary teen novel by Walter Dean Myers). And while I enjoy reading works of fiction from all eras of history, what really changed my life was when I began to read to improve myself. 

  When one of my mentors told me I could move toward my dreams and goals by reading, I was thrilled. After all, I love reading, remember? But reading personal growth books is not always as exciting as reading a mystery novel. In fact, sometimes its hard and tedious. You may have to read and re-read as you learn and apply the concepts to your life. And as in all things, consistency is the key to getting the most bang for your buck when it comes to reading. You can't read one book and expect your life to be better forever. You have to keep growing and seeking out new knowledge. 

  We are privileged to live in an era when books are readily available. Throughout much of history, most people did not know how to read. Large groups of people (women, poor, slaves) were excluded from learning to read, and could be punished for doing so. And why do you think that is? Because those in power knew if they let women, slaves, and poor people learn to read, they would claim personal power and begin to improve their lives. We live in an age where much of the world has the opportunity to learn to read, and in America, there are libraries with books that can be borrowed for free. This opens up avenues that were never before possible. To not take advantage of this privilege is to do a disservice to those who came before us and fought so hard for us to have the right and the access to knowledge. 

  In the book of Proverbs, Solomon stated, "Get wisdom, get understanding [...] Though it cost you all you have, get understanding." (Proverbs 4) We are blessed to live at a time when wisdom is readily available, but it's up to us to take advantage of it. In fact, to not do so is detrimental and foolish. The book of Hosea says, "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge." (Hosea 4:6) When we choose not to take advantage of the wisdom available to us, we actively destroy our lives. We have answers and solutions at our finger tips in books. And reading is one of the simplest ways to begin to find the knowledge we need and bring about change in our lives. 

  Today, I want to encourage you, whether you are an avid reader or haven't picked up a book since high school, seek out knowledge. Pick up a book on a subject you want to improve in, and start consistently reading. You've been given the privilege of access to knowledge. But as the saying goes, with privilege comes responsibility. Don't neglect the opportunity right at your fingertips. Grab a book and start to see the transforming power it can have on your life. Get reading this week! I can't wait to see you succeed!

~K.L.W. 

Word to the Wise

   Hi there! If I were to ask you who the most powerful voices for negative and for positive in your life are, you might list off the names of parents, teachers, mentors, friends, or bosses. However, few of us, when asked this question add ourselves to the list. The truth is though, while parents and teachers may have had a hand in shaping us and creating our inner narrative, as adults, the most powerful and persistent voice in our lives is our own. This being the case, we should be putting that voice to work for positive change in our lives, but far too often, we allow our own inner thoughts to be a force for negative. 

  Ask yourself this, what is the first thing that comes out of your mouth or into you mind in the morning? Are you frequently voicing thoughts like, "I'm so tired. I'm not ready for this day. I just have too much to do." Repeating these phrases in our head or out loud is reinforcing and teaching our brains to be tired, overwhelmed, unprepared, and stressed out day after day after day. The brain seeks out what you constantly tell it, and if you are always speaking tired, lack, doubt, fear and negativity, it will look for examples to prove those things right in your life. You will find more and more tiredness, frustration, lack, and discouragement in your life. 

  Conversely, if you begin training your brain with these words every morning, "I am so excited for this day. Great things are happening to me today. I am so grateful for the opportunity to live this day. I am getting better every day." You will find that your mind begins to look for ways to make them come true. Your brain will seek out opportunities to grow, to be grateful, and ways to energize your mind and body. You will find your words are a self-fulfilling prophecy, because your brain will seek whatever voice is loudest. 

  You have at your disposal, one of the simplest tools to change your life. Positive declarations are used by the successful in every walk of life from Olympians to rock stars. Begin today to become conscious of what your are speaking in your life. If it’s not promoting and progressing you, then stop saying it! Make a habit of only speaking life giving and uplifting words. You will be amazed at the shift in your mental, emotional, and even physical state of being. Put your words to work for you and not against you. I can’t wait to see you succeed! 

~K.L.W.

The Power of Compounding

  

 Have you ever run into someone you haven't seen in a while and not recognized them because of how different they looked? Perhaps this person gained a lot of weight or lost a lot of weight. Or perhaps you haven't seen a family member's child for a while, and when you see them they seem to have shot up in height. These changes are dramatic, but the truth is, they didn't happen all at once, it was little by little, day by day. To the person who gained or lost the weight, or the child who grew, the change was only slight from day to day. They may not even fully have realized how much they changed. This is the power of compounding at work. 

  Similarly, many celebrities and artists seem catapulted to overnight success. We tend to have a glamorized view of these high profile figures. It's as if we think they magically woke up one day rich, powerful, and famous. But the truth is, if you delve into most of these people's stories, they spent years working small roles or behind the scenes jobs before they had their monumental moment. Their success wasn't actually overnight at all. It was achieved one step, one job, and one moment at at time. 

  That's the thing about compounding. It isn't noticeable at first. Those few cents of interest on your account, those extra hundred calories everyday, the ten minutes you invest reading, or the hours you spend scrolling social media. None of these seemingly small things will have an effect right away, but over time, if you repeat these actions day in and day out, the power of compounding will amplify these actions dramatically. 

  The compound effect is working in your life whether you are paying attention to it or not, and the power of compounding can accelerate you toward your dreams or bury you under a mountain of small choices. It's up to you. Each day you get to choose whether you will take those small positive steps, save the money, take the walk, eat the vegetables, or whether you will make the small negative steps, eat the junk food, loaf on the couch, and swipe that credit card. None of these small things will help or hurt you immediately. But if you let them compound, the results will be dramatic. 

  The good news is, you can start taking advantage of compounding right now. Simply decide to take the small positive steps toward better health, finances, relationships, and life. Then take action each day. Little by little, day in and day out, things will start to change, and one day you will wake up surprised at just how far you have come. The power of compounding is at work. Will you make it work for you, or are you letting it work against you? The choice is yours. I can't wait to see you succeed!

~K.L.W. 

Oxygen Mask

   Good Morning Friends! Ever heard the expression, "You can't pour from an empty cup?" How about, "Put your oxygen mask on before assisting others?" We've all heard these sayings, but often times in our busy schedules, we have a tendency to forget them. So many people depend on us for so many things, it can be easy to get burnt out. 

    As spouses, parents, friends, children, and employees, it can be easy to think if we stop for a moment the world will come crashing down. After all, who else is going to make sure everything gets done? But the truth is, we can only give so much, and if we aren't taking time to replenish ourselves, we will run on empty, and that's not a good place for us to be. After all, an empty gas tank usually means you're going nowhere. 

  I'm sure you've heard the term self-care a lot over the past year and a half. Our whole world has been going through some tough times, and we could all use a little more self-care. But some days, it can feel like that's just one more burden on our already packed schedule. So how do we find the time to refill our cups? How do we make sure we have the oil in our lamps so we can keep on burning? Here's a few ways that I have found help me.

1.  Schedule time to Relax 

    This may sound counterproductive. After all, a schedule is for all the things we want to get done, and relaxing is all about not getting anything done. But the truth is, most of us won't take time to relax if we don't put it in our schedule, and by cutting this important time out of our day, we set ourselves up for burnout, exhaustion, and failure. A lot of us think of self-care in big items, massages, trips to the beach, or a night at a hotel, and while these can be very relaxing, they aren't available to most of us everyday. I encourage you to make a list of things you can do to relax on a daily basis. Think of things that can be accomplished in under a half hour, things you know will recharge your batteries. For me that list includes, taking a nap, drinking a cup of tea in a cozy chair, reading a magazine, baths, facemasks, and hottub time. Once you make your list, simply block a half hour on your calendar each day, maybe right after work before starting into making dinner and homework and all the evening's events. Make this a sacred time, and let others know you need this time to be left alone. If you set this boundary in the beginning, it will go a long way toward undisturbed time. Once you've blocked it off on your calendar and told your family to stay away, simply pick an item from your relaxing list and enjoy it! Trust me, you and your family will thank yourself later for taking up this practice. 

2.  Connect to you Source

    If you're not a faith based person, this may be a foreign idea to you. But for me, spending time in prayer, meditation, and scripture reading, reconnecting with God is one of the best ways to make sure I have what I need to get through my day and spread love and generosity to those around me. This is the first thing I do in the morning after pouring my cup of coffee. I have had this habit since I was 12, and it is the centering force in my life. If you are a faith based person, I encourage you to make a dedicated habit, and if you are already doing this, try to extend it throughout your day by taking small moments of gratitude to reconnect with the Spirit all throughout your day. If you haven't previously been a spiritual person, I highly encourage you to explore this area a bit. Researcher Brené Brown says in The Gifts of Imperfection, "Without exception, spirituality - the belief in connection, a power greater than self, and interconnections grounded in love and compassion - emerged as a component in resilience." If we want to care for ourselves and build strength, we have to start with reconnecting to our source.

3.  Prioritize your Health

    If you've been running on empty, the last thing you may want to do is start thinking about your health goals, but the truth is, if you aren't eating well and exercising enough, you are forfeiting valuable energy your body needs to power through your busy days. Finding time to move your body, and nourishing yourself with wholesome food is a key component in making sure you have what it takes to support those you love and care about. Taking time to plan some space for a walk, run, yoga, or workout can boost your energy levels and improve your mental and physical health. Additionally, making sure you have healthful foods available like fruit, veggies, and nuts to power you through can give you the added energy you need without reaching for sugary foods which will cause you to crash later. A little foresight and preparation in this area will set you up for success in a major way. 

 

  It may seem like, with all you have to get done, that you can't possibly take time for yourself. But I assure you, carving out space to relax, reconnect, and energize yourself will make a world of difference for you and those who depend on you. Put on your oxygen mask this week. I can't wait to see you succeed!

~K.L.W.