Relationships 2.0

  Hello, Friends! I gave you some relationship advice a few days ago, but I have a few more things I thought I would share. After all, relationships are always growing and developing, and it helps to have some knowledge to know how to keep your relationship strong as you both grow and change.

 

1.  Communication
     Communication is so important to a thriving relationship. This means everything from making sure you know which one of you is taking the garbage out to the curb to whether or not you should make that major purchase to how you are feeling emotionally. It's a vast range from the little things to the really big and everything in between. Often, in our most vital relationships, we fail to discuss the little things, and over time these add up to become major stressors. For example, if you haven't talked about which bills need paid this week, and therefore one of you is trying to save for the rent and the other is spending money freely, there is going to be an issue. Likewise, if you don't communicate about which of you is going to pick up the kids from school, and they get left there, there's going to be an issue. These may seem like no brainers, but so much of a relationship comes down to the day in and day out details, and by making sure you are on the same page with these things, you can keep your relationship running smoothly. Too often we assume, and we get angry with one another over expectations we haven't clearly communicated.

      Additionally, take time regularly to ask your partner how they are feeling, about work, about your relationship, about everything. In fact, a monthly and weekly check-in is a useful habit. And when you do ask, listen. Let your spouse talk without criticizing or arguing about the response you get. This type of response can shut down future communications. So ask how they're doing, and then listen, and when they are done, brainstorm some ideas for making things better along with them. Remember, you are a team. Keep this in perspective, and make sure you both know what the plays are so that you can win at your day to day and in the long run.

2.  Respect each other
      The need for respect in relationships goes without saying, but I want to point out that sometimes respect is not demonstrated on a major scale. Sometimes it's in the little things, like how you talk to your friends about your spouse or whether or not you listen to the little things they ask you to do or not do. Let me give you an example. My husband is a very patient person, and he also is a very easy going person. He rarely ever makes any requests of me, and so when he does, I go out of my way to try to accommodate him. Now, my husband has a habit of leaving the laundry basket downstairs when he goes down to put a load in the wash. As a result of this, there is no basket upstairs to put dirty clothes in. My solution to this was to throw the dirty clothes in a pile where the laundry basket normally goes so that when the basket comes back up, everything is right there. Seems logical, right? I certainly thought so. Until one day, my husband let me know that it really bothered him when people threw the clothes on the floor where the laundry basket should go. I don't know why this would bother him, but what I do know is that I stopped doing it. Was this a huge issue? Nope. Does it really matter to me? Nope. But for the value of our relationship, and to show my respect and love for my spouse, I no longer throw the clothes where the basket goes. I either take them to the other basket, or I go get the basket from downstairs. A simple gesture, yes, but many times these little issues go unnoticed, building up until they end up turning into World War III in relationships. Take the time to listen to your spouse and be respectful of his or her wishes. It will go a long way towards creating peace and harmony in your home and showing them you care.

    This is only a few of the things that can help you have a healthy and happy marriage or relationship, but they are two of the most crucial. Communicating and respecting your spouse's wishes, even if they seem silly, can help you to avoid major conflicts over unspoken frustrations or expectations. As in every other area of our lives, little changes yield big results. Show your spouse some love through communication and respect and see how it brightens your relationship. I can't wait to see you succeed!

~K.L.W.

Mountain Climbing

  If you're anything like me, you might have a tendency to imagine life as a series of peaks and valleys.  It seems like things are either good or bad.  And they go in cycles.  But what we often forget is that life is more like a steady uphill climb with plateaus now and then.  For the most part we spend our adult life alternating between climbing, sliding, or resting.  Here's what I mean by the three phases.

Climbing:  This one is pretty straight forward.  Most of us have dreams and goals in different areas of our lives which we are in essence "climbing" towards.  It might be a promotion at our job, a certain level of fitness, or a new degree.  When we are actively working towards those things, we are climbing.  It might be difficult and tiring, but it's worth the climb, because we know our results lie at the top.

Plateau:  Then we come to the plateau.  These are times when we have reached one of our goals, and we are able to stop pushing so hard, sit back, relax and enjoy the view from where we are.  Some would call this a peak, but I have to point out, that eventually, we begin to become discontented with just sitting, and we realize there is more climbing to be done.  I would argue that we never quite reach the peak in life, because there is always another level we can go to.  A plateau can be such a nice place, for a period of time, but eventually what happens is, we feel the call to begin climbing towards a new goal.  This can be hard to do when we are at a place of contentment just sitting.  Getting back into gear and beginning the work again can be a tough thing to do, and sometimes what we choose to do instead is to slide.

Sliding:  Sliding is anytime we should be moving forward, but we don't make the effort.  If you follow the logic that we are always on an upward facing slope, then it would make sense that if you are not on a plateau, and if you are not climbing, then you will begin sliding back down.  Sliding is one of the most dangerous places to be, because not only are you not moving forward, you are losing progress, and you are gaining momentum in the wrong direction.  Reversing a slide requires serious commitment, dedication, and effort, but it can be done.

  I hope that no matter what place you find yourself in today, you know you can begin to move forward whenever you choose.  If you have been sliding for some time, now is the moment to dig in your heels and start to the task of moving forward and upward again.  If you have been resting on a plateau for some time, and you are starting to feel the call to move on, do not ignore it.  Pick up your gear and start climbing to the next level.  And if you find yourself currently in the climb, don't give up.  Keep pressing on, because the next plateau is up there, and the views from that height are even more spectacular than the last.  I'm out here on this mountain with you, and I can't wait to see you reach the next level!

~K.W.  

Press Reset

  Let's talk about one of my favorite things:  new beginnings, fresh starts, a new day, week, month, or year.  I love that feeling of looking at a new chapter of life and seeing all the possibilities.  It's like having a brand new notebook with all the pages blank to begin writing whatever you want on it.  There is something so energizing about a new phase of life, and since we are approaching a new month, I want to talk to you about some of the ways you can capitalize on this upcoming month and make the most of the next 30 days.
  First, make yourself some time this week to sit down and think about your top five things you want to accomplish next month.  It may be tempting to write down a list of thirty things you want to tackle, but it's important here to really focus in on just the top five.  Often times if we focus on too many things we find our time and energy divided too many ways, and we end up accomplishing nothing.  Channel your time and energy into just a few specific goals this month, and you will find that you progress far more quickly when you are focused.
  Secondly, once you've decide on your top five, write them down and make sure they are specific.  For example, "Read 20 minutes daily"  or "Clean and declutter one room per week."  You want these goals to be measureable so that you can track your progress.  You won't know if you've succeeded at the end of the month if you have no way of measuring what you've done.
  Third, get a way to track you progress daily.  There are apps you can download to keep track of your goals and habits if you like to do things electronically, or you can make a daily list to check off and keep it on your fridge or some place visible.  Personally I like the good old pen and paper list that I can physically put check marks on each day.  This gives me a little sense of immediate gratification when I complete a task.  Additionally, knowing how many days you've accomplished your goal helps you to know what kind of progress you're making, and gives you a number to beat for next month.  After all, you only need to compete against yourself, remember?  (Winner Takes All)
  Now, all that's left is to get to work.  Keep your goals in front of you daily so you don't forget or get off track.  Stay dedicated.  Remember, consistency is key here.  Really commit to your five things and stick with them each day.  Don't let yourself slack off.  And if you do fall off the wagon for a few days, don't get discouraged.  Get back up and keep going.  25 days of success are still better than none!
  Take some time today and set your goals for next month and get prepared to move forward.  I'm excited for you to start making progress!  Here's to a new month!

~K.W.

How to Love Your Spouse 1.0

  Well, it's here again folks. The time of year when I have to start bundling up to go to bed has arrived.  And for those of you that are thinking I've lost my sanity because it was 90 degrees out today, and there is no way anyone should be bundling up in those temperatures, let me explain.  Every year about this time, my husband says my least favorite words, "I think I'm going to put the air conditioner in today."  Now, I know this would have most of you rejoicing, but not so for me. You see, I am a person who does not enjoy cold air being blown on me when I'm trying to sleep, which means that when the air conditioner comes out, I get out my sweatshirts and start layering up.  But here's the thing.  I don't mind going through this extra hassle, because I know that my husband will not sleep at all if he is stifling hot, and I care deeply about making sure my husband is comfortable.  I value our relationship, and therefore I'm willing to make a few compromises to make sure it stays good, and to be honest, I think we have a pretty great marriage.  So, I thought tonight I'd share a few things with you that make our relationship work so well.
  First of all, you do not have to be alike to have a good relationship.  In fact, my husband and I are about as opposite as any two people can get.  We do not agree on politics, religion, music, tidiness, or how many dogs is reasonable to have in a 700 square foot apartment.  But, you know what?  These things have not stopped us from being happy or from living in harmony, so here's a few ideas that can maybe give your relationship a kick start if you are needing it, or just help it to keep running smoothly if you're already cruising along.

1.  Appreciate Often
    What I mean by this is verbally telling your spouse you appreciate them, and telling them specifically why.  I also find that one of the best ways to do this is to praise your significant other in public.  After all, who doesn't like to hear someone say good things about them to other people?  Giving your partner specific compliments and words of gratitude often will go a long way towards keeping you both happy.  Another way in which I share kind words with my husband is through a notebook.  Both my husband and my son have their own notebooks, and every so often I take the time to write them each a note of encouragement, and then I leave those notes on the table for them to find.  There are so many creative ways for you to express your love and appreciation, but make sure that you do this often.  You will reap a return of a strengthened relationship, and you will fill your spouse with confidence which will only make your interactions better.

2.  Let Things Go
    Too often I think we have a tendency to hold onto little irritations and make them a bigger deal than they really need to be.  Now, I am the queen of allowing little things to set me off if I'm tired or hungry, but I have really been working on this for the last few years, and I think I've gotten better.  It would do us and our partners all a lot of good to realize that once a grievance or irritation has happened, unless there is some difficulty which resulted that still needs addressed, there is no reason to cause a fuss or even bring up your irritation at all.  Just let it go.

3.  Make Time for Each Other
    Now, my husband and I have opposite work schedules, which means we almost never get a night off together, but this doesn't mean we don't make time to spend with one another.  It might be a late night meal or staying up to watch a few episodes on Netflix.  Some mornings we squeeze in a walk at the park or run errands together.  If you're like us and have a pretty hectic life which can send you scattering in all directions each week, it's vital for the health of your relationship that you carve out minutes specifically for each other.  Just as you invest a lot of time in someone when you first start dating in order to get that relationship off to a good start, you must be willing to continue to invest in one another to keep your relationship moving smoothly.

4.  Give
    Lastly, know that in a good relationship, it's not about what you can take from it, but what you can pour into it.  Now, don't be confused.  This does not mean it's ok to allow someone to take advantage of you and never give into the relationship and expect you to do it all.  What this means is that in a good relationship, both parties are focused on what they can give to the other person, not what they can take from them, and this is what makes the relationship strong.  When each person knows that the other has his or her best interest at heart, they will each continually want to give more into the relationship out of an expression of love and gratitude towards their partner, and this creates a cycle of giving.  To truly do this well requires you to know that needs and desires of your spouse and then go out of your way to meet them.  My husband is excellent at this, and it makes me fall in love with him all over again each time he does something sweet, like remembering to buy me a Diet Coke to go with my McDonalds.  A small thing?  Yes, but he knows it will make me happy, and so he does it.  Pouring into your significant other does not always have to be an elaborate gesture or major sacrifice.  Most of the time it's just small actions taken daily to show them you care.

  I'm not an expert at marriage, and I certainly don't claim to know everything, but what I can tell you is that my husband and I have been together for 6 years, and we are still very happy, and our relationship gets better with each passing day, and that my friends, is something worth celebrating.  I hope that some of these tips will help you and your loved one today to build a better relationship.  Until next time!

~K.W.

Feeling a little Blah...

  Ever have one of those days or weeks, or even months where you just feel like you're in a funk?  Where you just wake up and feel off?  You can't seem to gather your emotional energy to deal with things like you normally would?  I can tell you that I definitely go through times like these, and what I want to tell you is that, when this happens, you don't have to let it control you.  What I mean by that is, there are some steps you can take to emotionally bolster yourself to get through a rough patch and come out on the other side without losing all your progress.

Dealing with a Funk:

1.  Realize that this is normal, and it's only temporary.
     I think as human beings we have a tendency to worry ourselves over things that often times will never even come to pass.  We waste mental energy on worrying about imaginary scenarios, and this slows us down and drains us, which keeps us from accomplishing what we should be doing.  If you wake up in a funk one day, you need to first and foremost remind yourself that this is not permanent.  There is no need to panic.  Even the most successful people find themselves in a rut from time to time.  The difference though is that the successful people have figured out how to not lose momentum and get themselves through a rut and out onto the other side.

2.  Slow down, but don't quit.
     You know that quote, "If you're going through Hell, don't stop moving?"  Well that same principle applies here.  When you wake up in a rut you may feel like pulling the blankets over your head and doing nothing but wallowing... do it.. but only for a short time.  The key here is to give yourself some slack to slow down for a bit, but don't quit what you're doing.  If you lose all your momentum you will only end up stuck for a longer period of time, and it will take you longer to get back on your feet.  When I am in a rut, I give myself permission to take nap or read a book, or just lay around, but I make sure that I intersperse my down time with things that need done.  So, I will read a book for a while, then muster some energy and go do the dishes.  After the dishes if I still feel crummy, I might curl up on the couch again, but I make sure to set myself a time limit of down time so that I can still accomplish what needs done.  During your down days, it's ok to cut your activities down to the bare minimum for a day or two.  Just don't completely shut down.  This will only make you feel worse because you will not be accomplishing anything which will cause you to feel badly about yourself and perpetuate the mental funk you are in.

3.  Watch your intake
     If you are in a funk, it is very important to watch your intake.  This means on multiple different fronts.  The most important one being your mind.  If you are feeling down, it may be tempting to listen to songs or watch shows that will validate or encourage what you're feeling.  Don't do it!  Listen to podcasts, audios, music, and watch shows which are uplifting, that make you laugh, and that do not perpetuate your down mood.  After all, garbage in... garbage out.  Secondarily, a lot of how we feel is linked to what we eat.  If you have been feeling crummy for a while, it may mean your body is trying to tell you something.  Make a point to drink plenty of water today and try cutting out some of the sugary things you are eating.  Your body might just need a healthy reset.  Try eating some protein and veggies and avoiding starches and sugars for a day.  You might be surprised at how much a few simple tweaks to your diet can make you feel so much better.

  Ultimately, if you aren't feeling your best emotionally today, relax.  It's ok.  We all go through it.  Give yourself a break and a little self care.  And if this continues for longer than a week or you feel something is really wrong, don't be a afraid to seek professional help.  That's what it's there for.  Wherever you find yourself today, know that you don't have to stay stuck, and there's a great future ahead for you if you're willing to step into it.  I can't wait to see you succeed!

~K.W.  

When Things Aren't Good

  Ok, so I'm going to be honest with you guys.  Sometimes our prayers don't get answered the way we want.  In fact, sometimes it seems like the opposite of what you prayed for happens.  But here's the thing.  I believe when this happens and things don't go the way we wanted or hoped or begged God for, we have two choices.  We can choose to say, "Ok, here is the hand I've been dealt.  I believe God is good, and I believe I can do all things through His strength, so I can handle this, and I can use it to bring about good in my life and the lives of others."  Or, we can get angry, feel sad, and blame God, give up on His love, doubt His goodness.  Maybe that's the place where you're at today.  And if you are, it's ok.  Believe me, I've been there.  And you know what?  God is big enough and good enough to love you even when you don't love Him or trust Him.  In fact, the Bible says He chose to love us when we were still ignorant to Him and doing our own thing.  (1 John 4:19)
  When I was 16 my dad had a conversation with me which I will always remember.  I was going through some very tough times.  I had been rejected by a lot of people...all of them people who claimed they loved God and wanted what was "best" for me, but their actions were not of God and were not love.  As I struggled and wrestled with all the turmoil inside me, I sat down one day on a porch swing with my dad and I said, "I don't think I even believe in God anymore."  I was feeling so much hurt and pain, and had experienced so much rejection at the hands of "good Christian people" that I was questioning God's goodness and even His very existence.  My dad, rather than being riled or angry about these words simply said, "I believe God is big enough to show you He is real and He loves you, even if you don't believe in Him right now.  He will always bring you back."  My dad's quiet confidence and rock solid faith pulled at something in my heart that day.  It was a reminder that life may not always be fair.  People may not always be kind.  But God is so much bigger than all that.  He is able to work in the very worst of circumstances if we let Him.  He will not force us to choose Him, and He will continue to love us even when we don't.  If you're still running today, still questioning, still hurting, let me just tell you that you are loved, that you have value, and that your life was meant for so much more than hurt, anger and sadness.  You were made to shine.  Give God a chance to work on your brokenness.  You don't have to clean up your life before you reach out to Him.  He loves you right where you are at.
  I can share with you that God did find me, and it wasn't all smooth sailing from there, but having God as my Rock had enabled me to face every challenge I've encountered since then because I had a solid foundation.  And you know what?  I've been able to use those hurtful experiences from my past to form the very basis of who I am today.  I am someone who loves, accepts, and keeps judgement out of my religion.  I believe if God can love you wherever you're at, than I can too, and since I don't have it all together, I don't expect you to either.  I love open and honest conversations with people from all walks of life, and I believe if it wasn't for those things I went through I might not have become this person.  
  We don't always know the reason for our pain, and if you are questioning God right now, just know that He is big enough to handle it.  He can reveal Himself to you in ways you never imagined possible.  Keep searching for Him, and you will find Him.  (Jeremiah 29:11-14)  I'm praying for you; I love you, and I can't wait to see you overcome your obstacles and make this the best life ever.

~K.W.

Claiming What's Yours

  I'm going to write about something that's deeply spiritual today, so if you aren't a God follower, feel free to use the grocery store approach.  Take what you need from this post and leave the rest on the shelf.  And please know that no matter what religious beliefs you hold, I still love you and support you, and I am ok with agreeing to disagree if we don't share the same religion.  But today I do want to share with my fellow believers a revelation I had a few years ago which completely changed the way in which I read the Bible.
  When I was younger I used to read the book of Psalms and get a little discouraged.  Here's the reason why.  David writes a lot of Psalms talking about all the amazing things God will do for the righteous... protect them, bless them, lift them up, give them long life, children, and joy.  But I used to feel a bit defeated as I read, because if you are familiar with the Bible, we are told that "There is none righteous, no, not one."  (Romans 3:10)  I used to think, "Wow, if I could only be good enough then these could apply to me."  But, as I'm sure you all know, it's impossible for any of us to be perfect.  So, I was constantly feeling defeated when I read my Bible.
  Then one day God brought me to a revelation.  I was reading in 1 Corinthians, and here is the verse I read.  "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."  (1 Corinthians 5:21) Now, I had read this verse plenty of times, and even memorized it as a little kid in Sunday school, but I never quite understood it until then.  God opened my eyes to the major truth hiding in this verse that day.  Did you catch it?  "we...become the righteousness of God."  Meaning, if you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior, you are considered RIGHTEOUS by God!  You don't have to do another thing to earn this status.  Jesus already took care of the payment.  All you have to do is claim the free gift He offers.  We cannot do a single thing to earn God's love or make Him care more about us.   All those promises about the "righteous"  were already mine to keep and yours too if you believe in Jesus.  I just didn't know it before then.  What a huge weight lifted, and an incredible mindset shift when I was reading as I discovered I could claim all of the good things promised to the "righteous," because even though in and of myself I could never be righteous, this privilege had already been granted me and every other believer through Christ's redemption on the cross.
  Understanding that God considers me righteous because of Christ's gift gave me knew excitement and incite when reading God's promises.  I am worthy of all God's blessings and promises, not because of any action of mine, but because He has made me righteous through His sacrifice, and you can claim these blessings too if you have accepted Jesus Christ's sacrifice on the cross as payment for your sin.  I am hoping that there are a few of you out there who really needed your eyes opened to this today, and who will be set free by realizing, you are already righteous in Christ.  Stop putting all the pressure on yourself.  You are a child of God now, and you can claim all the benefits of being His child.
  Additionally, if you want to learn more about this idea, there is a great book by Joseph Prince called Unmerited Favor, which opened my eyes to so much more of this concept.  I hope that you know you are worthy today, and that if you haven't accepted Christ as your Savior, this free gift is yours for the taking.  You need only to believe that Christ died on the cross to take the punishment for your sins, and if you accept His free gift, pray and ask Him to come into your life as your Lord and Savior.  You can then begin to claim these amazing promises of God on your life also. You don't have to do a single thing to earn this status.  Simply accept it as a gift and begin to live your life from a place of gratitude and grace each day because you are deeply loved and completely forgiven.  
  If you have more questions about this, feel free to reach out to me on Facebook Messenger or to leave a comment on this post.  (They all get emailed to me.) There is nothing I love more than sharing truth with people and getting to be an encouragement in other's lives.  As always, I can't wait to see you succeed!

~K.W.

Winner Takes All

  How many of you out there would consider yourselves to be competitive people?  Maybe half of you?  But I want to ask you to consider competition on another level.  How often do you compare yourself to the people around you, your co-workers, your family, friends, or social media network?    Comparison is always a losing game, and here's why.  We are all in the game of life, but we did not all start at the same point; we are not all heading for the same finish line, and we do not all come equipped for the same challenges.  It would be absolutely silly for a person completing a marathon on foot to beat themselves up because someone in a car was faster than them at the 26 miles.  Yet, so many times this is the kind of pressure we put on ourselves.  We look around at others and assume because they look good on the outside or because they're farther along in their career or their 401K that they are "winning" at life, but that is not always the case.
  Maybe your life started in poverty, or abuse, or being an orphan.  You certainly did not come out of the same starting gate as someone born into wealth, privilege, or a stable household.  This means you had more ground to cover, more hurdles to jump over, and more obstacles in your path.  Do not assume that you are losing if you are not at the same place in life as someone else. 
  Similarly, even if you started from the same back grounds, it does not mean your race is the same.  You may have had a family challenge that gave you a career setback, or a financial struggle that limited your funding for college, or a health crisis that slowed you down.  Not everyone in life faces the same obstacles, and it's because we are each running our own individual races.
  In addition to all this, we are not all headed to the same finish line.  You may be purposed to be an amazing stay at home mom, wife, and friend, or you may be destined to be a career wage earner at the top of your field.  You might be somewhere in between.  None of these things is bad, but we can very easily start to feel badly about ourselves if we compare where we are to where someone else is when in reality we aren't even headed in the same direction.
  The only way that comparison is ever beneficial to us is to compare who  we were yesterday to who we were today.  You are the only one who can accurately compete with you.  Are you farther ahead than yesterday by even one step?  Great job!  Are you striving to be better tomorrow?  Fantastic!  Did you trip up today and fall behind?  It's ok.  That's the great thing about another day.  You can get back up and keep going.  Learn to compete with yourself and no one else.  This mindset will free you to cheer your friends, family, and co-workers, while not feeling sorry for yourself.  When you realize that we are all running different races, and we can all win a prize in our own race, you don't feel stressed when someone else succeeds.  Someone else's success does not take away from your opportunities for victory.  Keep your eyes on your own finish line, and don't get brought down by playing the comparison game.  I can't wait to see you win!  Cheering for you!

~K.W.

Stay Out of the Game

  I was having a conversation with my son the other day, and to understand this conversation, you need to know that my son struggles with a behavioral disorder.  He's getting better, but he still has difficult days, and one of the things that tends to send him over the edge is when people around him start getting rowdy.  To any one else it might seem like a normal wrestling match or game of football, but for him, once the rough play gets started, it's almost impossible to get him to stop, and unlike most kids who will only play to a certain degree of roughness, he will continually escalate his actions until someone gets hurt.
  Knowing this, I was having a discussion with him about how he should choose to not even engage in these activities so that he doesn't get himself into trouble.  He felt (as any of us would) that it wasn't fair that he can't play what the other people are playing, but I explained to him that the wise thing to do if you know you struggle in an area is to not put yourself in a situation where your struggle will be magnified.  This is a hard concept for a seven year old, and I know that it's a hard concept for most adults, but I think it's so important for us to grasp this idea.  So many of us think that if we are really tough we will learn how to face our temptations and overcome them, but the best way to win that battle is by not engaging our temptations at all.  This means, if you have to make a deliberate decision to avoid something for your own protection, you should do it.
  In the Lord's prayer, Jesus did not ask God to help us overcome temptation, but to deliver us from it.  "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."  (Matthew 6:13)  Too many of us think we need to face our struggles head on, and in some cases this might be true, but in the case of our specific weaknesses, one of the best tactics can be avoidance.  Just as an alcoholic who has become sober might avoid the bar, or a smoker who has quit may avoid going outside with other smokers, we must learn our triggers and learn to guard our hearts and minds.
  For me, I work very hard to not let my life be ruled by fear.  Part of this means I don't watch scary movies.  If all my friends are going to see the newest thriller, I simply don't go.  I know that if I put that into my mind I will dwell on it later and create fear in my life.  Therefore, I chose to avoid things that I know will trigger or encourage the negative habit of fear.
  I also have a lot of songs that I really love, but I chose not to listen to.  Why?  Because I know they are creating an angry, sad, or bad attitude in me.  I strive to have a positive mental attitude, and this means I choose my playlist wisely and avoid songs that I know will trigger the opposite.
  Bruce Wilkinson addresses this concept in his book, The Prayer of Jabez.  He says, "Most of us face too many temptations--and therefore sin too often--because we don't ask God to lead us away from temptation."   We must learn to guard our hearts as Proverbs 4:23 says, "for everything you do flows from it."
  I really want to encourage you today to get to know yourself.  Learn your triggers, and develop the courage to avoid them.  You will see so much more success by not engaging your temptation rather than trying to fight it constantly.  Just as if you were on a diet, you would not want to keep a kitchen full of cookies and treats, so, if you want to keep yourself out of trouble, you must learn to get rid of those things that could cause you trouble.  After all, "out of sight, out of mind."  I hope you will take this advice to heart today.  Protect yourself and use wisdom.  Just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean you can or should.  Just a little heartfelt talk from a mom.  I love you all and can't wait to see you succeed.

~K.W.

Ants are Disgusting

  I hate ants...despise them actually.  When I see them in a cupboard I want to scream.  They are so tiny, but they create such a HUGE problem.  One ant alone can lift many times its own body weight, but working in numbers they can carry off items vastly larger than themselves.  I also learned recently that colonies of ants will invade other colonies and carry off their eggs.  When the eggs hatch they force those ants to become slaves for their own colony.  Pretty crazy accomplishments for such small annoying creatures right?  But what I want to talk to you about today is that like the ant, our results can be multiplied many fold by adding to our numbers.  What do I mean by this?  I mean that in order to see success and move mountains in a specific area of your life, you have to put in effort over and over and over again.  You have to add to your trys daily.  You won't have six pack abs by working out one day, or two, or three, but give your workout 100 days of effort, and see what results you get.
  We live in a microwave world and we want everything instantaneously.  In our minds, if we have worked at something for a week and don't see big results or any results at all then we should give it up.. it's not worth the effort, but that mentality is so far from the truth.  Our results will multiply exponentially if we will put in dedicated effort repeatedly, but too often we fail to give our efforts the time and consistency they need to produce real results.
  Experts say is requires 10,000 hours to become a master at something.  What in your life can you honestly say that you have dedicated 10,000 hours to?  T.V.?  Facebook?  Instagram?  If you are trying to become an expert in one of these venues, then great... but if you're not, maybe it's time to examine where your hours are going and start putting them to work on your dreams and goals.
  I challenge you to pick one area that you want to see results in and commit to working in the area every day for one month.  You might start to see results in one month, you may not, but start with a month and build the habit.  Then, take action in that area for a year and see how much you've grown.    True change is not made in a microwave, it is like a fine French pastry that requires days and hours of tedious, concentrated effort.  But given the choice, I think we would all desire a delicately crafted, delicious pastry over some microwave mac n cheese, so lets get to work on our dreams, and never forget that our efforts multiply upon themselves, and like the tiny ant who can conquer entire colonies (or cupboards) in groups, our practice will help us to go to levels we never were able to reach when we just made an effort here and there.  Start multiplying your efforts today.   I can't wait to see you succeed!

~K.W.

Keep it Simple

  I want to tell you today about a word that really got me on track a few years ago, and it is a motto I always come back to when things start to get hectic.  The word is, "Simplify."  Have you ever just felt overwhelmed like your life was moving at a frantic pace and you just couldn't keep up?  I know I have.  When you are surrounded by chaos, you begin to feel chaotic on the inside too,  but God made it plain to me a few years ago that I really needed to simplify, and I've been using that as a guideline ever since.  If you could use a little bit of the simple life too, here's a few resources that got me started and that I still consult when I need help.
  A newer book that I just read this year by Terri Savelle Foy is called Declutter Your Way to Success.  This book really gave me some great guidelines for getting the excess junk in my house cleaned out.  I can't tell you how relieving it is to just get rid of extra material items.  If you don't use it you don't need it around weighing you down, and when your environment is streamlined your day will be streamlined also. There are excellent tips in here for ditching the clutter once and for all and doing it in a way that is not overwhelming.
  Another great book which is overflowing with tips and tricks for living Simply and naturally is The Honest Life by Jessica Alba.  This book was very inspiring for me and helped me to start figuring out what was important in my life and what I could let go of.  This book is down to earth and inspiring, and it made me feel better to know celebrities wrestle with the same dilemmas we do.
  Of course, everyone's definition of simplicity is different, and that's ok.  What we're looking for here is optimum functionality.  You just truly cannot function at your best when you have too many material things taking up your brain space.  If your to-do list is always ten miles long and you never seem to be making progress, it may be time to hit pause and figure out what needs to go.  I certainly wouldn't call myself a minimalist, but I do enjoy paring things down and freeing up space.  This doesn't just apply to material things either.  This same simplicity rule can help you eliminate activities which are taking up time and mental energy you need to use elsewhere.  Sometimes it's just elimination mindsets or bad  habits you don't need.  Every time you simplify your life, you will be rewarded with clearer thinking and a little more peace of mind.  Free yourself up to focus on the important things today by getting rid of the clutter in life, physical and mental. You'll be  glad you did.  Happy Simplifying!

~K.W.